Nice Guy Syndrome
Leading entails a lot of balancing. one should strike a balance between being a dictator and a doormat

By Ramesh Kumar

No problem, if you don’t know Puneet Bareja, CEO of Share Gurukul, an intrepid entrepreneur who wisely converted an idea into a business proposition of training and supplying online terminal operators for stockbrokers as the Indian bourses had begun their steep climb three years ago. In a short span, he built two companies – Bulls & Bears and Share Gurukul – and sold it to two big players. How was his journey? “It was a roller-coaster ride. You need to be ruthless to survive. Big fish are always on the prowl to eat smaller ones. Also, you need to be nice to your colleagues to make it big in life,” said the early 40s Delhiite while I visited his office, hardly a kilometer away from the historical Red Fort in Delhi, recently. Simply put, you can’t yell at them even if they transgress limits, according to Bareja.

Bareja’s comments reverberated in my ears as colleague Priya Nair held forth on the same lines while discussing on the issue of ‘man’ – or woman – management subsequently. Leaders always face the problem: how far can you afford to be nice to your colleagues at workplace? How important is it to keep a smiling face even when colleagues tread on your toes? Keep smiling? Dicey questions, no? Afraid to speak up your mind will be detrimental is the new perceived wisdom.

Don’t believe? Listen to Tim Hiltabiddle, author of Nice Guys Can Get the Corner Office: “… have had numerous experiences in my career when my desire to be ‘nice’ and please others hindered my ability to achieve success in the business world, including times when my clients, co-workers and vendors took advantage of my good nature. I have made great strides over the years to get beyond this tendency and have learned to be more assertive, stick up for myself, deal with conflict, set good boundaries, and take more risks.”

Hiltabiddle, in the run up to his book, surveyed among CEOs and found that the Nice Guy Syndrome (NGS) is a big problem in today’s workplace. “61 per cent of people we surveyed said that they struggle with being too nice at work, and that they feel it has a negative impact on their success.” Top honchos at Procter & Gamble, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Dunkin’ etc. unequivocally supported the Hiltabiddle thesis.

Balancing Act
Leading entails a lot of balancing. One should neither be a dictator, nor a doormat. After all, people are the real assets of any organisation. The enterprise may boast of million dollar worth of machinery using state-of-the-art technology; but these are useless, unless there is a workforce – men and women – to run them. The products these machine and men churn out may be mind-boggling. But in the absence of a sales and marketing team, these great products and services remain in the warehouses. A no win situation.

Organisations need leaders and leaders require people – subordinates – to execute the blueprint for success. A good chemistry between the leader and the led is vital. That’s where the need for the balancing act arises. Hiltabiddle does not mince words: “A balance is needed between empathy and emotional intelligence on one hand and strength and assertiveness on the other. Leaning too far in either direction will inevitably lead to problems for you and others.”

The gender factor
In the light of the fact that a lot more women occupy senior managerial positions these days, what’s Hiltabiddle take on them? Gender does not alter the basics, argues the author. Women certainly face the NGS challenge. In fact, the problem is more acute for them than men. Know why? They are more compassionate, nice and empathetic. “… because of the way they have been conditioned by society, women tend to be more predisposed to be self-sacrificing and want to please others than men.” Maternal instinct kicks in, says the author, in large doses. So, what is the outcome? This makes it “extra difficult to say ‘no’ to a request or, even worse, fire an employee.”

Of course, in the bargain to succeed when women get tough, they are labeled with the ‘b’ word. On the other hand, when men at the leadership position take the same tough road to success, they get away with the tag of a ‘tough and strong’ leader. When men at top try to be compassionate, highly passive, he may be labelled ‘soft’. Succeeding in life is not easy. To get going, you need to be tough in this competitive world.

The author is Group Editor, Oman Economic Review